Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
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