I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
