I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Randomize
