Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Just invented taco cereal.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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