well I can't set my house on fire every night
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
