The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I've blown a few things in my day
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
