If i could tip my vagina, i would.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
