it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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