First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
