My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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