I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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