I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I party with great urgency now.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
