I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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