If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
