Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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