That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
