im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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