his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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