All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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