how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
