Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
