The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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