Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
