People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
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You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
It's blow job season.
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We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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