I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
