I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
