so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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