I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I don't deserve a penis
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
