i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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