Can Purell be used as lube?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
