May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
