just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
