I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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