Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
