toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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