You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
