I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
this is an emotional support booty call
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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