I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
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okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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