Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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