she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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