I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
