At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
