Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
