i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
