the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
