I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
