omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
