Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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