Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
