You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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