Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
