I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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