Who wears a wallet chain?!
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
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