and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I need to align my fucking chakras
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
