so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
