So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
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I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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