Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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