whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
