I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
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