He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
