You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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