Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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