that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
