My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
