called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
