You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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