i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
