i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
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