And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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