and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
