you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
