I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
