Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize