Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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