I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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