So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
