He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
