Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
BRING THE BAGELS
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