nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
