peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
