O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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