it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
